published by Jean May 20, 2010

I have accepted the crapfact that depression
will never leave me alone. It is part of me.
*
damn you old black dog
wearing me out and down like
river rubbed canyon
*
There is nothing to be done about it except
endure. Over and over and over again.
*
tomorrow looks less
than worthy after today's
vain forward struggle
*
Pep-talks from well meaning friends don't help.
*
come along, you say.
you know precisely my need.
arrogant bastard
*
It makes it very difficult to be nice so I often hide.
*
it's worse somewhere else
for many someone elses.
today I don't care.
*
It turns me into someone I don't like at all and I can't help it.
*
do you doubt despair
can twist the heart, wring the soul,
blind all hope? You fool.
*
It sneaks up and every time I ask why.
*
you think you know
the reason, the answer, the
why. until this now.
*
I've read a gazillion books and been to therapy.
*
regurgitation
of all the pretty words ends
in ugly dry heaves
*
Remember the time I went to a shooting range and
enjoyed shooting and did very well? Did anyone
think it strange that I did not buy a gun?
*
it is not so hard
to understand that there are
some who will resign
*
It feels like living in hell and a glorious relief
when it subsides.
*
to wax poetic
do you mind much when I swear?
tough shit if you do.

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