Should I Even Share This?
But Gerard got personal at times and, since he's (sometimes) my inspiration, I'll put this up and y'all can think what you will. I don't deny I'm a crazy SOB.
I had a very vivid dream last night: I was working at my computer like I often do. This wasn't a distorted dream - unlike many dreams, everything appeared real and rational. Even after I woke up, for that first split-second I wondered how I got back to bed from my office.
The way I sit in my office, my monitors block my view of the door.
I heard the door open, and felt someone gently squeeze my toes sticking out from under my desk. I looked up and saw Jan standing back up. Now I don't often catch names in dreams ... but no doubt this was Jan; her name was even spoken. Didn't even think how strange it was that she'd show up in my office.
I jumped up and we hugged each other as one would hug a close friend that hadn't been seen for 50 years; for that matter, 1976 may be the last time I saw her ...
Jan was a beautiful 21yo redhead. I was never certain - even now - if we were ever "boyfriend & girlfriend". We dated a lot, we had good times together -- I don't remember why we just ... stopped. I don't remember "love" being any part or promise either. I was once a redhead as well and one of the things I remember about our relationship - if that's what it was - is that I shouldn't date redheads. But I really, really liked Jan. I don't recall anything that hints she didn't feel the same way about me. That was 1974/75 or thereabouts.
Why such a vivid dream - that still sticks in my mind long after most dreams fade into nothingness?
I haven't thought about Jan in decades; she wasn't "the one" that got away.
I can hear her voice even as I write this.
So I popped onto this magic box and did a Duckduckgo search. Wonder what she's up to?
And there was her obituary from 2022. She died of cancer of some sort.
I'm open to things we can't explain - was it Jan's spirit that visited me last night?
I'd like think it was and that she still remembered me - not unfondly.
Rest in peace, Jan ...
